I have become person who cuts peanut butter toast into 8 pieces.
In fact, its so much a habit in doing this for Finn that I am starting to do a modified 4 piece slice for myself these days. I have been thinking about how I want to continue become this person that motherhood is making me. A whole slice, 5 bite toast eater doesn't get the opportunity to relish all the textures and oddities of each cube of an eight-piece toast slice! Such is my life...I guess I am thankful for the ways in which my life has been forced to slow down. Each task , each moment shrunk down into smaller bits. Each day is a thousand little things of wonder (and, of course-doubt).
Last night on the news I saw the remnants of an entire Israeli village whose devastating loss is something I may never understand on any level. I felt so very terrible to be human last night. So angry to be connected to a race that continues to be violent and unmerciful. I told this to Mike and he said-that's why you need to keep on enjoying all the little things. And he's right. Life is all about the eight squares of peanut butter toast on Finn's snack plate. No less, no more.
Now is all we have. That I think I can understand.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Just came back from Calgary and before that, Lethbridge. Mike played in his brothers Band (the darby and joan club: www.djcmusic.com) on friday night. Mike's family all contributed: Rob and Mike played in the band, Mike's Dad, my sister in law, Rin watched while Nana watched the kids so we the rest of us could enjoy the evening. It was a great night! Since we have so many birthdays and Anniversaries in August, we all went out on Saturday morning for brunch and then Mike and I headed of to Calgary.
In Calgary we spent longer than anticipated in Ikea and the went up to my Papa and Annemarie's for a backyard BBQ. They had invited irene and old-time family friends the Zippricks.
A full and fun weekend..and now, its good to be home. Finn was delighted to be home and
it took him quite a few spins in his crib to wear himself out!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
What an eventful 24 hours!
Mike's mom, Nana, came for a visit over the weekend and we all had such a great time and the house felt so empty when she left on Monday. Our cat Maus had been great with kittens over the last scorching days, and I was beginning to feel very sorry for her in this heat. Nana's dog lived inside our house for the weekend and so Maus was walking about a little more carefully than usual. Poro is not know for his affectionate relations to the feline varieties. By the tine Nana left, I had the distinct feeling aforementioned cat was READY! Mike and I were set to go out for supper at the river with our friends the Thompsons and our friend Sara had offered to come over to babysit. I think she got a lot bigger of an event that she had anticipated.
Smee (still with us for now) was cowering in the laundry room, panting uncontrollably from his fear of thunderstorms...which were coming in since 2 in the afternoon). Maus was posing all sorts of awkward positions and seemed ready to go into action any moment...While Finn sat at the table playing with playdo and watching Sara's four kids come bursting in out of the rain. Just to calm things down a bit, noodle salad was served up for all.
By the time we left for our supper, I was just thankful Sara was not easily phased by such life events as cat delivery. Sarah is a doula, and was, hence, really the best person for the job!! Her husband was to come around 8pm and pick up her kids and she was going to spend a quiet eve in our house while Finn slept.
No such luck.
Mike and I arrived home at 11pm: Finn and Sara's son Levi slept, but the other 3 girls were wide awake and playing. Alex, her hubby arrived about 10 minutes after we did and all of us were quite thrilled about Sarah's announcement of 3 kittens being born while we were out. I went to check behind the washing machine (with flashlight) where the event had transpired, and saw a fourth kitten, a calico runt, had been added as a surprise ending. Mike took a few photos..included here. All survived the night and Maus seems to be adjusting very well. The kittens are pretty much all spoken for and so we are excited to house this little experiment for about 8 weeks!! Then Maus will be in for a quick trip to the vet!!
Don't tell her!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Outside my front door there is a huge Sleeping Beauty tangle of a hedge that grows thicker every year we've lived here. We haven't managed to give it a good trim yet. Not for lack of trying though. It's tricky business to fight all them pointy, little branches into well mannered hedge etiquette. This year Mike pointed out to me, as were competeing to get the mail at the front door, that the little pea pods that grow on our hedge pop and throw their seeds everywhere. We listened for the popping sounds. I couldnt believe I haden't heard them before...in the last 3 summers. We talked science then. How the heat expanded the pods and then expelled the seeds at seemingly random times. I continue to marvel and how nature works so beautifully.
Today is the 5th anniversary of Mama's death. A random pop. A time to be released. And seeds are still everywhere, leaving new fledging hedglings in their wake. Seasons to endure and to enjoy. Ah, my beautiful hedge, the protection that it gives me, and the lessons it offers a healing heart.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
We’re putting our Smee dog up for adoption. The decision came to a resounding yes yesterday morning when we both realized, after months of vascelating, that the poor pooch really was being neglected. Our friend and neighbour up the street, Marta, who works many days in the bush, has agreed to take him. We are sooo thrilled for Smee. Marta has taken him out for adventures before, and he always has come back very happy. So here we go...dogless after almost 10 years!!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
All I can say for the day is that..the laundry is done...
It might not seem spectacular to the average bear, alas to me, it is rather Everest! It just needs to be folded and put away! HA!
Anyways, I still feel hit-by-a-truck-kind-of-tired, but all so worthwhile. Our drive home from Butte yesterday went very well. Finn was a peach in the car..had 2 naps instead of his usual 1, and was pretty content and silly until we hit about 7 minutes outside of Cranbrook. Not bad at all said we. We stopped at Swan Lake State Park, as we had done on the way down, and got the most beautiful huge sandwiches from the local grocer there. Very lovingly handcrafted by the owner's wife, complete with their own "house mustard" that a friend of theirs makes from scatch. We all got to stretch our legs, take in the sun, and throw rocks in the lake. Finn was in his element and ended the lunch session as a true "soggy bottom boy" with his diaper well below his knees, and his grin well past his ears. The border fellar at Roosville gave us no grief, and we made it home for a supper of Sidekick noodles, followed by frootloops for dessert, amongst a stack of tupperware containers, lumpy bags, and unidentifiable mounds. Mike and I rented movies, put Finn to bed and relaxed amongst the chaos, deciding that it would all still be there when we woke up.
Which it was!
Tomorrow I see the midwife. I am at 27 weeks and this little bean is kicking low and cutting off my lung power all in the same move!
Monday, July 10, 2006
I feel as though I just came back from a week at camp..which, in theory, I guess is true. I shed some tears over my not-so-thrilling Denny's dinner tonight, and felt blue most of the evening. that sort of "I don't want it to be over" feeling of loss overwhelming me somewhat. The last 5 days we have all spent together as a family clan...all my sibs and their significants, complete with 5 nephews total and my dad and and step mom in Red Lodge,Montana. beautiful little town, perfect weather, always enough going on, or little breaks to take, for it to be an incredible time of Clan connection. I guess i am just so very aware of how precious and rare this time is. I am so thankful for a family that can hang out at a KOA campground, and aside from the usual squabbles, genuinely love each other's company.
So here we sit in dimly lit "Days Inn" in the smack dab middle of Montana, Finn having finally sillied himself to sleep, and with real sadness, but gratitude, think the evening away
Saturday, July 01, 2006
A friend of ours just sent this photo to us taken 5 years ago of me and my friend Dooger, whose death is only 7 weeks fresh in our hearts. It captured a night something like tonight...evening thunder showers after a shockingly hot day. We were all sitting on Doug's covered stage in the field of his back yard. Smee was terrified and lying under the rickety bed-set up on the stage for outdoor summer slumber- as the storm blew over us. We played music late into the night. What a great memory!